ARTIST: Joel Polowin
TITLE: Fifty Ways to Kill an Ensign
Lyrics and Chords

[To the tune of "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon]

The problem is something 'bout your clothes, she said to me 
The red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, "I'm Security!" 
And when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you'll get to see 
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign 

/ Em D C B7 / Em Am F#7 B7 / 1st / Em Am Em - /

He takes a landing party down to find what's going on 
A couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along 
And then before you know it - the 'expendables' are gone 
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign 
Fifty ways to kill an ensign 

Just step on a rock, Jock 
Get thorns from some plants, Lance 
A Horta can spray, Ray 
Just listen to me 
Clouds drink up your blood, Bud 
Computers can kill, Bill 
You could lose all your salt, Walt 
Kirk gets away free

/ G - / Bb - / C7 - / G - / :

She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves 
Not ev'ryone who goes with Kirk will suffer from this curse 
But then of course, you must recall - they sometimes suffer WORSE 
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign 

Just tell him, "I'm not stupid and I'm not expendable 
I'm not going!"  Tell him that he's a Denebian slime devil 
And he's overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial 
He'll find a new way to kill an ensign 
Fifty-one ways to kill an ensign 


Words copyright (C) 1992 by Joel Polowin. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this material in any non-profit medium provided that its content is not altered and that this notice is appended. I would appreciate receiving a copy of any publication in which it appears: Joel Polowin / 18 Norice St. / Nepean, Ont. / CANADA / K2G 2X5
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